The Best Laid Plans

I had a lot of plans that flew apart.

I didn't expect to lose it all.

I miscalculated.

By a lot.

I had too many expectations & that was my downfall.

I couldn't afford to build it.

The money was gone, pillaged in one large pitiful blunder that took it all away.

I thought I could trust her with it.

I was wrong.

She steals.

But I forgot that.

It was this unsaid thing between us never to talk about it.

I promised to her by my own honor I wouldn't.

Then I decided to talk about it.

She started spreading rumors and my closest friends knew but wouldn't say it to my face.

I brood about it often.

I had to ask her.

There were too many questions that went unanswered.

All the answers were unexpected.

But nonetheless true.

I sided with her over family.

I'll regret that one day.

But not today.

No, today I stand proud.

Proud that I tried to help someone that couldn't help themselves.

I am wrong to be proud though.

Because pride is the mother of all arrogance, of all failure. 

Shakespeare wrote that pride goes before a fall. 

It certainly does.

I have to go back to being terrible and menacing.

I'm too paranoid now to be naïve anymore.

I have to go back to being a warrior.

My time of peace is over.

It lasted 10 years and that's a long time to stand by idly while my city crumbles under the weight of an unknown enemy. 

I'm still not ready.

But I'm trying my best to rebuild what was destroyed in the chaos.

Even so I expect the chaos to continue for another 5 years.

At some point she will come back to me.

I'll feel better when I see her again.

I'll feel better when I have enough strength to leap off of rooftops again.

Its not like it used to be.

I don't recover as quickly.

And I don't get stronger at my peak anymore.

My peak strength is long gone. 

Too much abuse to this frail body now. 

She laughed at me a couple of times.

All I did was grin and she hit me hard.

I couldn't stand up for an hour.

She has more tricks up her sleeve then I do now.

But I still want to believe in her.

I'm still to weak.

But if I'm right it doesn't matter how much stronger I am it won't be enough anyway.

Gotham in the next 5 years will fall to chaos, looting, the city will be a tragedy. 

But after the shadow is lifted from Gotham a new order will prevail.

There will be no rest after that happens. 

I will carry the burden with others not alone anymore.

It was easier when I carried it alone.

Now they all must know what has happened.